Flip the Bird - then write fast! by Julie Frayn (aka Julie Bird)

Author Profile: Julie Frayn

Julie Frayn is a mother first and an accountant by trade – and a writer at heart. The writing’s the thing – that thing that inspires, that drives, that obsesses her. There are stories in her head, characters in my heart. She believes that if she spills them onto the page her brain will make room for the simple stuff. Like, what do you call that thing you use to eat with? Oh yeah, a fork.

Canada Online News | Gonzo Online! Columinist

Written by Julie Frayn

Sitting at my desk early one morning, I stared at a blank screen. May as well get ready for work – clearly no brilliant words are awaiting me on that day. I kneeled over the tub with my noggin under the tap ready for a good hair wash – then the blood rushed to my head.

A gaggle of thoughts crammed into my brain at once, fighting for attention like five kids all jumping up and down and screaming in unison, “look at me Mommy, look at me.” And I only have two kids.

Wow, where did all these ideas come from? Must be the blood, no?

I quickly finished the washing thing, skipped the conditioner, and ran to my computer to spew all those thoughts onto the page before they disappeared as fast as the blood seeped back down my neck. That’s something that happens more often every day, vanishing thoughts. Damn time, marching on with no consideration for us mere humans.

So if blood pushed into the brain results in epiphanies, then I have a new writing strategy. I’m going to get an inversion table. Or gravity boots. Hang upside down and write my brains out. Maybe literally. Well, not “literally” – just the overused ‘not real or true but I REALLY MEAN IT’ form of literally.

There's one hitch in that giddy up. If I’m inverted, I will be looking upside down at my laptop. I’ll have to fashion a mounting device, so the computer flips along with the bird. Like an upside down desk with the laptop tethered to it. Seems like an awful lot of work.

I wonder how long I could keep it up (or upside down) until I passed out. On the plus side, my boobs and ass might perk up a bit. Until I am upright again and that gravity bitch takes over. Ah well, small mercies.

So this is why men call their penis the little head!  All that rushing blood, it does the thinking for them. Even if it is only for two minutes.

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